SERENE

While waiting for love to Finish stock take, I shall post some random stuff. Just recalled something in the past. But before that, I’m at ps alone at this time… Ahhh!! Everyone walked past kept looking me as if I’m crazy person siting here at this time. Or maybe some wild animal just ran out from the zoo. Hate that look. Goodness! Okay. It’s 8.40 am anyway. Lol!!!

Right. Had lunch in school with buddy and darling yesterday. (during my school holiday and love mc period) we were talking about sister’s changing school bags.

So i suddenly got so emo over it. Hahaha. Back then, I don’t have school bags. Got la! But it’s old school bag either from my brother or bags that friends didn’t wan and pass it to me. Recalling that I actually asked my friend to lend me school bag to school during secondary school time. Well.. I feel
That I had a hard time during my growing period. That’s sad isn’t it?

Now that my sister is so much fortunate, changing school bag every year. (though most of the bags from cdac) but she don’t have to go thought what I have been through. Right? I am also glad tat my sister don’t have to go through all that shit thing because it’s not something nice or happy things. Eventually when u start growing up you would start recalling all those unhappy things.

Okay la. The youngest child in the family is always the most fortunate ones. Because they tend to get the attention from their parents or older siblings. She gets most of the things she wanted. Spoiled kids i know. I really hope sometimes my mum would pay attention to me. Instead of asking me do this and that… Which I know I should helped her as she is getting older. But the biased-ness she gave was so obvious that she love my sister and my brother more. Okay la!! I also used to it Liao. I should be thankful that she gave birth to me to this world. Im really glad that I still have love to be there whenever I’m feeling down. At least I have someone to vent my anger on and someone I can talk to when I’m feeling down. (other than arguing with love) hahahah!

Yeah! Finish venting my emo-ness!
Bye~~

Suddenly feel like updating.. Probably I need to vent out a little and update my dead blog.

Got back my term test results last week and I pass 3 out of 4. Kinda worried because the 1 I failed is really tough. Really must continue to study harder! I believe I can do it.

I was given the opportunity to go for osip at myanmar. However…. Lots of thoughts and consideration. 1) the duration is really long. 1 and 1/2 month. It’s not easy because I never go so far without family and love ones.
2) $$$$ I know I can use my psea but what about the expenses? What about my bike installment?
3) you! I can’t bear to go for so long without u by my side.
Thinking that it such a great experience… Hmmm.. Shall see how it goes. Hope this year would be a smooth 1 for me!

This is just random. But i really hope u can understand how I feel. When u told me that u going to extend ur work and go over to sales. I am really happy for you because u r recognize by them and they seems to like you alot. But I’m sad/unhappy because ur pay now sucks like hell. Most importantly.. Where r our time? Last time we always chat alot, webcam even though we didn’t talk. But we spend the time together. And even though we spend time on every wed together now. I feel that it’s not enough. sometimes when I see u, I really feel like hugging u tight and don’t wish to let u go.
Sometimes I also hope that I’m working with u like ur colleague, because they spend more time with u.
Usually when u get home now, you wil háve dinner and do ur stuff and slp. There goes another day repeating itself again and again. I’ve been enduring. Telling myself that you are tired etc.
I really hope that things will get better anytime.

I also wish that u could talk to me more like I’m ur gf than friends. Because u tend to get very impatient towards me. No matter what I do you don’t seems to be happy. I know I’m irritating or annoying sometimes. But there isn’t a need for u to shout at me. I endured and control my feelings because I don’t wish to have any arguments with u. And by enduring, I am giving in to you. But do u know how hurt I am?

In another 2 months time will be our 4th year together. To me, 4 years being together is really long. Even though u get so impatient towards me, I still love u as much as I do.

Just cleared my insurance. But I am very stress because I owe alot of $$$. It’s time for me to stop spending and return the debts ASAP. Hope that I can clear off by the end of this year!

Night world!

I miss you. I really do!! I miss your voice, your SMS, your call, your everything.

Wonder how u feel? Probably u falling asleep already becAuse you have work in the morning.

I can foresee that you will slowly fade ur feelings for me, after that you will find ur mr right. 突然想起 ＂you are the apple of my eye’ movie. Like both of them in love with each other. But in the end the girl also get married but not with the person she love. So I will be like ke teng, keep the love in my heart. I hope that you will be happy and more cheerful from now on.

Actually when I think back the past. Really great memories :)
Remember You r the one who always asked me why I treat u like friend? then you want me treat u better. Last time we always SMS each other like nobody business. Past is past. I also cannot bring back the memories.

Now leh? Even though we r in the relationship, but I feel that we have lesser text, lesser conversation. Anyway u also spend more time at work and with family. With or without me doesn’t make any difference I guess. And the way you are treating me as if I’m your friend. Well.. No point saying all this la. It’s over? Since u initiate the break up, I also won’t go pester u like as if I’m so thick skin. Probably u were fine doing ur own stuff. Why must I feel so sad and cry while blogging?

I’m not okay seriously. But I just need time to overcome it. I’m cool!!

Currently I’m studying for my math paper tml. I dunnoe why it just can’t get into my head. Probably I’m stress?!

Just now had a fight with sister. I thought she will complain to my mum
Immediately when she came back home. Because this is what she does usually. 5 mins after my mum reach home, my brother called and ask my mum if we fight? I was kinda sad that when we fight, my sister will thought of my brother.

Thinking that my brother seldom come home, my younger sis will still miss him that much. Whenever my mum is feeling down, she receive my brother ca or see him coming home just put a smile on her face. Hais.. Sometimes I really wonder if I am important to her or my family not. What if I am gone for good one day. Will they regret for not treasuring me more? Sometimes I also feel that I’m being made use by my family members. Always asked me to do things etc.

Sometimes I feel that my mum
Is so biased. Every time who uses compass to exchange ticket for them to watch movie? Who is the one staying at home to help to do some house chores? Who is the one who help her whenever she needed me? My brother just simply come back home like once a week? Once a month? She see him like as if he’s made of gold. He bring them go eat she happy until cannot slp. Hais.. I think life is unfair isn’t it?

Last time I always feel that I must treasure my mum more because if she never give birth to me, I won’t be in this world. So I always planned, that if no one taking Care of her in future, I would! But after so much considerations I guess she don’t need me also. Im just like some rubbish that can be throw inside the bin easily. If one day I have the capability, I would move away, move away from them and live on my own. Probably this way they would treasure me more? Hahahahaz.. Maybe they won’t even bother?!

Sigh! Think so much also no use. This is life!
Sorry for being So emo here. I just want to vent out so that I will feel better!

Another year has past, today is your big day. Wanna wish you a happy sweet 20th birthday.Time passes so fast, and this is my 4th time celebrating your birthday.

Remember the 1st time when u was only 17plus 18, you love pooh so much. We went gaga over pooh that we even go arcade and ‘catch’ them. I also bought you that big pooh which is still alive now with one side ‘abused’ by you. 2nd birthday celebration which was a little gathering from Gv family and I bought u your company(‘tiffany & co) necklace which made Me ate grass for that entire month. 3rd birthday celebration was just last year. Surprised you by bringing u to Swensens for dinner with ur poly mates. And today is your 4th time celebration with me. Even though I did not a get a individual present for u, but at least I got what you what. An apple product :)

You told me that your boss bought a cake and surprise you today. I was having mixed feelings. I’m happy yet sad. Happy because at least u have a good boss who have a heart to buy cake and surprise u. Sad because u were feeling touched but not by me.
Thinking about it, during these few birthday celebrations, how many time I actually really surprise u and made u feel touch? Hahaha! I guess only once or non. And when you told me that your boss said ‘i like your smile’, just break my heart?! But thanks for telling me :)

You know when come to at night is ‘thinking’ night. Lol. Like suddenly all your thoughts will be randomly out for no reason.

Actually being In a long R/S………there’s definitely advantages and disadvantages. I always feel fortunate to have you by my side. I believe ppl who likes you, definitely envying me and cursing me for having you! Remember that our 1st few months together when we call it as ‘honeymoon’ period, we were so sweet?! Last time when ppl beat me or say me, you will protect me. We always send each other sweet messages, we always call each other on phone without fail especially before going to slp. And when I asked you if u have anymore things to tell me? You would say yes even though you don’t have. You would always give me a real sweet smile when you see me.
But… Now leh? You find me irritating, childish, annoying? Den u now also always beat me and pinch me. I know 打是疼，骂是爱 but I feel that u beat me because u feel like hitting me real hard to ask me stop disturbing you. We seldome SMS due to your busy schedule. We seldome talk on phone now and sometimes we don’t even call each other before we slp. And when i ask u if you have anymore things to tell me? You would say no straight at my face. Sometimes it’s kinda hurtful. Sometimes i feel that you treat you friends better than you treat me. Sometimes I just wonder how important am I To u? If I am ur friends right now, would u treasure me more? Sigh!

Went to pay my c/c bills, Hp bills, season parking etc yesterday! Great!!! I
Left with only $3+ in my account. It’s not even end of the month and it’s not even beginning of the new month I already broke like hell. Fucking pathetic. But one good thing is that I cleared off all my c/c bills Liao. Woohoo!!!

Yesterday when u so emo/moody just breaks my heart. I feel that you are making yourself tired. Working from
Monday to fri 8+ to 6+ and yet u have to commit to part time after ur work on fri and even sat is just so……. Hais..
If you can’t commit to part time, I feel that you should quit lo. Maybe u can’t bear to leave this job. But no one would stay at that place forever, including me!
But no matter what happen, I would always be there for you! :)

S.H.I.T M.A.N!!! Term test just 2 weeks away and I heaven really start revising. I confirm plus chop will start studying on thurs onwards.

Thinking that I have to work later just…
=.=!!!! No choice cuz I needed money urgently plus I won’t be working for about 1 weeks or so. Come!!! Who want to yang me?

Wah Lau eh.. Now raining so heavily, my helmet wet like hell man.
Baby told me that my helmet stinks. So I spray the feebreeZe and put the nice smell thing in the box already! Lemon some more leh :)

It has been almost 1 month plus that I feel So lonely at night. Worst thing is u slp before messaging me. Sigh!!!! I hate ur job and I seriously regretted encouraged u to take up this Damn job!

Lesson time. Bye!
.______.

It’s our 44th months together already. How many times we actually wish or send each other MSG?

Had a great dinner at Nando’s. Thank you for the treat :)

Watched ‘you are the apple of my eye’
This show always full house no matter it’s at Tampines or ps. Lucky we book tickets in advanced, if not we have to sit like in front and squeeze with other ppl. And lucky we sat at the back just the 2 of us. Cuz I feel that this show a bit Bian Tai!! The guys keep masturbating. Not nice to sit with stranger around you!

One thing I take note about what the girl say is so true. 在暧昧的时间是最甜蜜的. Recalling when we having 暧昧关系just melt my heart. Even when we get together for the 1st few months or perhaps 1st year, we still as sweet! Now leh? Hmmm… Still sweet? But not so sweet? Is it that long r/s have lesser conversation? I don’t want leh!!! I wan always talk to you!

Was thinking if you would wish me face to face or a SMS? But non leh. Nvm
La. It’s just month! Not year. Lol… But it still mean alot to me leh. 23rd is always a special no. Special date to me!

I just hope that no matter what happen, we will still care for each other, stay as sweet like last time. Love each other more each day. Etc etc :)

Last but not least! I love u ttm!

I think family background is very Important. Some family are rich, they won’t understand life being poor like us. They can get anything they want because $$ mean nothing to them.

Since young, I been wanting alot of things. Like toys, bags etc when I was in primary school. Laptop, computer, Hp etc in secondary school. But not everything I want I can get it because
My dad doesn’t have a stable income. However, I do get most of the things because my aunt and uncle bought it for me, knowing that my family couldnt afford such stuff for me. I am
Really greatful to have ppl who care for me and my family :)

Recalling That I only have $0.50 for my allowance in primary school
And $2 to $4 in my secondary school
Life is kind of pathetic. Sometimes I don’t even have any allowance that I don’t even have the money to eat. But I don’t blame anyone for that because different ppl have different background. Seeing my rich friends can afford things easily, see them have more $$$ for their allowance just made me envy them
Much.

I started working since I was in secondary 2. I started off working as a Mac crew and quitted the job 3 days later. Hahahaha! Long story and I do not wish to mention anymore. Later on
To kfc for less than a week? And Sakura for almost 2 years till I was going for going for my ‘n’ level. When I turned 16, I forced my brother to pull me in to work in Gv in 2006. So I have been working for 5 years plus already. 5 years working there, pay is really shitty. But I have to stay there because working time much more flexible.

I have been working so hard. But I don’t have any savings. That I because I spent alot and I always spend on unnecessary stuff. I have a bad habit seriously. I see things I like I would just buy. My mum always say me ‘you earn $1 and spend $2’! Quite true. But that’s just me. Thinking that if I don’t get the things I want when I have the money, what if I just die Like that? Life is fragile yah? When we die we also dunnoe. ‘Sheng bu dai Lai, Si bu dai qu’.

Anyway, I’m kinda sad when you are a little calculative towards me. Maybe we have different perspective view regarding $$$.
$$$ mean alot to me, but when I spent it on my loves one, I won’t feel wasted or heartache. For example, whenever you said u like this thing. I would try to find mean and ways to get it for you. No matter how ex the thing, as long as its for you, I think it’s worth it. (even though the next few days or weeks i will be eating grass) we might have different thinking, but I don’t expect you to change or what. Just hope that you won’t be so calculative towards me.

Sigh! Say so much also no use. I still owe ppl $$$. I have no right to spend, no right to anyhow use and anyhow buy things. Feel a little useless the fact that I am poor :(

Sunglass spoil Liao, also have no money to buy new one. Just use Scott tape to stick it and use back. I should stop my bad habit Liao!

Being a little naggy today. Hahahaha! That’s me! :)

Even though it’s just 1/4 day spent with me. I really treasure and loving it. This is what I call quality time :)

I enjoyed cooking with you. Eating with you. Watching tv with you. Chatting with you. Playing with you. Qing Ri with you. Hug you and sleep with you. Had a shocked with you. Pretending to slp back when someone came back with you. It has been a long time man! Wonder when all this will come again? Yes it will! Holiday

Back than when we both were still studying. I’m always the one who get tired & you’re always the one so energetic. Always stopping me from
Sleeping. Whenever I wanna slp, you would get angry and asked me to wait for you.

Even when u graduated and I’m still studying. And you start working full time at Gv. You’re still as energetic as ever!

Now that you work full time at hq, it’s only less than 3 weeks but you are always the tired one. Now that i’m so energetic and sleep late at night alone. See!! Opposite?!! Lol

I don’t mind you slp 1st as I understand that you have to wake up in the morning go work and end work so late. The tiredness…. I will always understand!!!! :)

But seeing you so tired just make me heart pain! :(

Okay.. Time flies yeah? This week and next week is Quiz week~~~~ die Liao la! But I will really study n pass. Knowing the importance of C.A now is never too late :)

That time after work we went for supper. You said how dirty I am and stuff… Actually I kinda sad. Hais.. But I am trying to change la, for my own good I know. Shit the mosquitoes…. Now my hand, leg, face all also kena bitten :((((

Night ppl!!!